(Distant laughter)
(Wine pouring)
(Dallas) And honestly, I wake up happy.
I mean, I'm that guy.
I've got enough of everything I need.
I'm single, I like a party, and I'm old enough to enjoy it.
Young enough to enjoy it. I wanna do something, I do it.
(Laughs)
Seems to be a little problem. Oh. Must be the magnetic stripe.
And the weird thing is, I know it's all a cliché.
No strings, no obligations. But what's the alternative? Get
into some life, wife, kids, some kind of car with too many seats?
That's a world where you have to do whatever it
is other people want you to do to keep it going.
It's prostitution when you think about it.
But there is this nagging feeling
that I'm missing something.
(George) Sorry, I don't know what the problem is.
No, it's not your fault. That should do it.
And maybe in the end I'm worrying for nothing.
I mean, I'm not at the stage of my life...
...where I have to worry about most of this stuff.
Maybe I never will.
I must sound pretty selfish.
Or just drunk.
(Marie) This is no good either.
You're kidding.
Are you serious?
No, come on, wait. You know I have money.
I just don't have any on me. Or on my credit cards.
But I get paid all the time. And a lot.
Maybe next time. Car fare?
And by the way, as someone whose life really is
prostitution, I can tell you that until you're actually
fucking for a living you shouldn't be complaining.
Wait a minute, that's not what I meant.
Thanks for the drink.
Call Beverly if you want to make it up to me.
(Cell phone vibrates)
Good evening.
* *
(Cell phone vibrates)
Shit.
* *
Hello?
Hey!
(Thwack) Ah, Jesus!
(Ben) I have the right to remain silent!
(Dallas) Wait, stop!
(Ben) Oww!!
Look, it's me! Stop!
(Ben) I will warn you, I am a yellow belt!
Ben, stop! Stop!
Stop, relax, it's me!
Jesus.
What is wrong with you?
(Ben) I heard a noise.
I'm telling you, Everything's cool.
There's nobody there. I swear.
(Ben cries)
It's all right.
(Male voice) Five, four...
three, two, one, zero,
ignition.
Lift off.
* *
(Ben) I guess that's what I've really been trying to
write about. I mean, who are we trying to fool?
We're not only animals, we're the worst animals there are.
Why do we eat meat?
The Greek gods dined on ambrosia and nectar.
But we need to incorporate other species into us.
Look at Christianity. This is my body, this is my blood?
That's why I'm doing this chapter about
the genocide in Rwanda.
The Tutsis were vegetarians and the Hutus were ranchers who eat
meat and they regarded the Tutsis as monkeys, as animals.
And that's why they had no trouble killing them.
Don't you think?
Honestly, Ben, I don't know why the farmer and the
cowhand can't be friends.
But I do know that part of the reason why some people regard
other people as animals is because they don't observe the
social conventions most of us take for granted.
Every human function is disgusting in our society.
I side the public on this one.
(Ben) I know what I am, and that's an animal.
I'm human, but animal.
You're wasting a lot of thought on something
that's not gonna get you high or laid.
I always say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
You're very wise.
And broke.
That is so uncool.
Can't I just take some money back? I get paid very soon
and when I do I'm gonna float you another loan.
Until then, I'd like to borrow back what I lent you.
Why do you need to leave?
You just gonna go out there and be part of the machine?
Hey, that machine is what keeps you in all...
this.
Now you know there's no one out there today, right?
Yeah.
So just hold it together and do whatever it is you do.
I'm writing a book. What is it that you do?
Fuck it. I'm gonna get the didgeridoo.
Please, didgeridon't.
* *
(Squealing tires)
(Buzzer)
I forgot my ID.
(Erin) I wish I could say you look trustworthy.
Buenos dias.
(Delia) Hey, Steve.
There she is, Miss Weather Center, two years in a row.
(Delia) Pretty much the usual. Although there is this pocket
of cold air coming in, but you'll see it on the composite.
I'm gonna talk to Dave about putting a real window in
here so we can see if any of this stuff is right.
It's right.
Want one?
They're poison.
But there's two of them...
(Man) Got him!
(Victoria) God, you cut it so close.
Thrilling, isn't it?
(Dave) Nice to see you, Mr. Dallas.
Victoria, looking lovely and authoritative.
Kyle, you wanna blow your nose and avoid a repeat of yesterday?
(Kyle) You said it wasn't a big deal.
(Dave) I say a lot of things.
Like did I mention, Steve, glad you could make it?
(Dallas) Can I get some water?
And is there any way to turn these lights down a little?
(Stage Manager) Five seconds.
Four, three...
(Jingle)
(Announcer) It's the Channel Eighteen Eyewitness News Team,
News at Noon. Chesapeake Edition.
With Kyle Robertson at Sports.
Do the Ravens finally have a kicker?
Steve Dallas in the Weather Center.
It's a beauty of a day out there and I'm
gonna tell you all about it.
And now, Victoria Riolobos with the news.
Good afternoon. Tragedy struck this morning as a Truxton
man backed his late model SUV into a daycare center.
One youngster remains in critical condition after being
struck by shrapnel-like debris during the collision.
But luckily the rest emerged scathed only by...
(Dave) You think the graphic's in bad taste?
(Stu) I don't know. Kinda captures the mood.
She's really solid.
And he's really high. (chuckles)
You know, Stu, you just don't go spreading rumors about
people like that. The man's a working professional.
Lots of people have squinty red eyes, insatiable thirst and
trouble walking. He could be diabetic or something.
You're right, I'm sorry.
(Victoria) The bearded, bespectacled doctor murdered at
least twenty-six patients, making him one of the world's
most prolific killers.
So Steve, how's it looking out there today?
It's about time we saw some of this warmer weather.
(Dallas) Well, Victoria, let's get things started with a
little shot of the harbor and some seagulls enjoying the
sunshine. How ya doin' there, fellas?
Today's high will get up to about sixty-five degrees with
unlimited visibility, which means if we can get this
knucklehead out of the way you could see clear down to Ocean
City. Coldest spot in the nation, why that honor
goes to... Bismark.
Smooth as silk.
That seem to you like someone on drugs?
(Dallas) And at one hundred percent humidity and
eighty-nine degrees, little Hilo, Hawaii is both the hottest
and wettest spot in the nation. I guess that makes it
the number one destination for teenage boys, eh, Victoria?
I... I guess so, Steve.
(Dave) So I know I don't have to tell you that showing up
with enough time for us to know that you're gonna be here, and
in a condition to work is ninety percent of it!
And why the fuck are you paying attention to your computer?
Are you ever gonna friend me?
You think you're irreplaceable?
You have this job because you're handsome and you can talk.
And people trust me.
No one trusts you.
You think you're gonna move to a bigger market?
Not with that nose.
You know, I could just as easily demean your job if
I had any idea what it entailed. And honestly,
I kind of resent you making this so awkward for me.
What are you talking about?
Well, I need a little money 'til the end of the month.
It's the sixth.
Look, I didn't say give it to me, it's just an advance.
You know, the good thing is I know you can't
go on like this forever.
Guys like you count on that.
But what if you're wrong?
(Alarm sounds)
Fire drill?
I really doubt that.
(Alarm sounds)
I just wanna see my friend!
(Erin) Step away from the door, sir.
I'm only gonna ask you once.
(Ben) Get off me, you fascist pig.
(Erin) You violated...
(Ben) I'll break the door in.
Fuckin' local dickwad...
(Rein) Put your ass down.
Wait a second, I know that guy.
You what?
I said I know that guy. Everybody calm down.
(Ben) I'm a yellow belt!
Jesus, Ben, let her go.
I told you I just wanted to see my friend!
I'll p- I'll pay for the plant.
(Alarm ends)
My dad died.
* *
(Scuffle)
* *
And could I get some Visine, please?
Great.
I mean, would you like your kitty cat used as- as bait?
You have three and a half pounds of crayfish,
I need three and a half pounds of crayfish.
What the hell is going on?
(Patty) I was telling him, they're too little to eat
and we have a strict no-return policy.
What difference does it make what I want them for?
They're the babies of a species.
You judge a culture on how it treats its children, right?
They were hatched one day, and then raised to be
murdered the next. And I'm talking about one of the
most sophisticated nervous systems in the world.
It's like us, the dolphins, then them.
A hundred bucks.
You know, anyone who's going fishing today has
probably come and gone.
How about a markdown?
(Ben) I don't give a shit.
I'm not arguing with the spirit of "Operation Crayfish",
I'm just saying it was overfunded.
(Ben) It's really beautiful.
I forgot, you know, it's been so long.
(Dallas) Yeah, I haven't been back since my parents died.
(Ben) Your parents aren't dead.
(Dallas) Well you know, since they moved.
Because we've been circling our destination for
three hours now, and my feeling is we should get
dressed and rock this funeral.
I think I'm ready.
(gagging)
God damn!
(Squealing tires)
Shit!
I still say it's better than ending up as bait.
And they mate for life, you know.
Not those.
Uh-oh, look, he blew a foot.
Can you imagine if you had to shoot your car
every time you got a flat?
Those people understand the land, and they live by it.
I don't feel so good.
(Minister) Although Sam Baker was not a religious man,
he found comfort and joy in his children,
Teresa and Benjamin, and his lovely wife Angela.
Now, reading from the Old Testament, Song of Solomon.
"Arise my love, my fair one... "
(Terry) Look at her. The slutty wicked stepmother.
She wants it all to herself.
You can practically see through that dress.
(Red) I don't think so.
* Shall we gather at the river, *
*Where bright angel feet have trod, *
*With its crystal tide forever *
* Flowing by the throne of God. *
*Yes, we'll gather at the river, *
*The beautiful, the beautiful river; *
* Gather with the saints at the river *
*That flows by the throne of God. *
* On the margin of the river, Washing up its silver spray *
*washing up a silver spray... *
I'm sorry.
We got a late start.
It's okay. It doesn't matter, you're here.
I just wish I could see him.
(cries)
I just wish he could see that beard.
(singing) *Gather with the saints at the river *
* that flows by the throne of God. *
Your coat smells weird.
(Sobs)
(Loud engine noise)
I'm just saying, I think we sort of have to step up into the role
of adults now and decide what's going to happen with the estate.
I had some ideas, some of which I actually ran past Dad,
so I know he wasn't opposed,
about basically dealing with the store.
How are the ribs?
They're good. They're small. So they're either
really cheap or off a really, really young pig.
Well, the steak's- the steak's pretty good.
I'll tell you what looks good is- What do we got here,
Ben? Some deep-fried onions dipped in ranch?
I bet it tastes like springtime.
Boy, that vegetarian lifestyle takes a lot of discipline.
And the farm. There's just the cruddy house, but we're
talking about almost a hundred and fifty acres of land.
I don't think we should be talking about this right now.
Oh, Jesus, Steve, eat your fucking ribs.
Are you sure nobody wants any wine?
I got the best one on the laminate.
What are you even doing here?
I'm his ride.
Look, Ben, I wanted to discuss this just as family.
Without her and certainly without your ride.
I don't think that you're suited to deal with any of this stuff.
And I don't mean that as an insult, I just know that you've
been happy with your life as it is.
And when you consider what the property is actually worth...
It's so weird to be home and to think that he's not here.
And we just put him in a hole in the ground.
Uh, you know, Terry, maybe,
maybe now really isn't the best time.
I'm just saying,
you can just sit back and I'll take care of you.
And I'll take care of this.
To taking care of things.
You can stay a night.
You said that guy with a mustache will cover for you.
Delia? Yeah, she'll do. She's a good emergency measure,
but what am I doing here? I mean don't you want me to
go home and water the plant at least?
I just want all this to go away.
Look man, you're gonna have to face it,
your sister is still a total buzzkill.
So you'll stay? I've got a sleeping bag.
I could be persuaded.
What's that, Obi-Wan? You want me to stay, too?
You got my fucking skates, Ben!
(Snores)
(laughs)
(chuckles)
Hey.
I just wanted to say sorry for your loss.
(Angela) Well, that's life, isn't it?
We're like waves in the ocean. We roll in,
we have our existence, we break on the shore.
Hmm. What a beautiful and...
nautical way to think of things.
Now you might want to shut that window, we're expecting some
showers coming in from the coast.
I doubt it. It hasn't rained here in a while.
Well, you're the weatherman.
Look, I don't know if I'm gonna be staying in the house
much longer, so if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to be by myself.
Well if you're interested in leaving right now,
I can get you on the next scheduled flight.
(chuckles)
Thanks but I try to avoid things that keep me from feeling.
Shh.
* *
(Karl) "Whatever remains of me is hopefully not limited
to my estate, my belongings.
Know that what I leave you is in no way a measure of my feelings.
Angela, you are the executor with all that entails.
From the first time I saw you in my store, leading that field
trip of very special young students, I knew the power of
your soul to heal others was surely from another place.
I would have left the planet long ago if not for making
love to you. The kindness of your curves,
your moistness in the morning, my fingers gently... "
Oh, come on!
Yeah, wow.
Again, what are you doing here?
He's with me.
I'll leave.
You got to bring him!
He's my husband!
Please, can we stop all this bickering?
A man died here. A very rich man.
It's okay, Mr. Stevens, I'll read that part later.
"To Angela, according to her wishes, I leave the stars in
the sky that we shared together.
I would give them to her, but no one owns them. "
Is that it?
No. There's a bunch more sex stuff here.
Oh good.
Okay...
"To Terry, my beloved daughter, I leave the lump sum of one
hundred thousand dollars, and two hundred and fifty thousand
dollars in Double-A bonds, to do with as she wishes, hopefully
for the education of her children, should she have any.
He had to get that in there.
"To my only son, Ben, I'm assuming that you're
here, I leave my house, my business, and the remainder of
the estate, with the hope that he get his shit together. "
What?
You gotta be kidding me.
That would include the farmhouse and its
hundred-forty-four acres, the grocery store and its underlying
property on Main Street. That's the whole block.
And the rest of his assets, which totals close to
two point five million dollars.
Oh, my God.
I need some air.
This is total bullshit.
Jesus, Terry.
Was he even competent when he wrote this?
Your father was quite lucid.
(Ben) I'm sorry, my suit was really itchy. I...
So I'm not mentioned in there at all?
It's a lot of money.
Two-and-a-half million dollars?
That's more than a lot of money.
No, I mean, I meant the three hundred and fifty for us.
It is. Why aren't you happy?
You told me you thought she was gonna get everything.
She's up to something, believe me.
Like she boned a seventy-seven-year old man for
five years for nothing.
But the will said this is what she wanted.
Why does she hate me so much?
(Dallas) It's really amazing, I mean it's all here. Pretty
much as simple as filling out some change of address stuff.
What's the deal? You overdo it on the celebrating?
'Cause I just started.
(Ban) I don't know.
You don't know what? This is what we've been
working for you whole life, to inherit this money.
(Inhales)
You know what we should do?
Order pizza.
Call those assholes up at Mazzotta's and say, "Guess what,
you have to deliver it. All the way out to the Baker farm".
Pay them a thousand dollars if that's what they want.
"Get in that Tercel and get that pizza out here now, fuckers. "
And they'll do it.
(Ben) I'm not hungry.
And it hurts my head, all these facts and figures.
(Dallas) What are you talking about?
You're four credits shy of being an MBA.
I'm not a businessman. I hate businessmen.
If Jerry Garcia hadn't lured you away, you would've
been a great businessman.
Who knew there was so much money in a country store?
I don't want money.
You don't have to put such a shitty spin on everything.
Maybe this is your father's way of giving you a chance to be
what you always wanted to be.
This is my father reaching from beyond the grave to control
me. The whole thing just insinuates that I'm crazy,
that there's something wrong with the way that I live.
But I'm fine, everything's fine.
I'm supporting you, of course everything's fine. Look, I'm
the last person that should be saying this, but what about me?
(Red) How's that?
What's the difference?
I don't like hurting you.
Well I don't like that making a baby feels like chemotherapy.
Look, honey, your dad just died.
And I'm shooting you full of hormones.
If that doesn't make you crazy...
(Deep sigh) Are we gonna do this?
You still look beautiful.
Thank you.
(Dallas) Sorry.
(Angela) I'll be out in a minute.
So you're really leaving? What are you gonna do now?
Some friends of mine have a farm in Upstate New York,
maybe I'll go hang out with them for awhile.
Just growing incense and making your own clothes?
Not that you need any.
No, actually I have a degree.
I'll probably go back to teaching special ed.
(Dallas) Gotta look out for number one, I guess.
You are so lovely.
ANGELA What's your point?
It's just I knew the first Mrs. Baker,
and she wasn't even remotely in your league. I mean, ever.
Are you stoned?
Sure. I'm the weird one.
You had sex with a nine hundred year-old man.
That barrel chest? Those toenails?
It probably sounds like a big joke, since that's what love
always sounds like to people like you, but Sam took pleasure
in everything in his life that was real.
His food, his farm, his business, and yes, his wife.
So when you were a little girl and you imagined being with
somebody, that was it?
I can't believe you.
Sam needed me. And he deserved me.
Because he was wonderful to me.
You forget, you're talking about someone I knew.
Longer than you, actually. He stopped talking to his son.
Ben stopped talking to him.
And it broke his heart.
Okay, well, maybe you better run along and get high so at least
one of us can forget we had this conversation.
(Music plays)
(Door opens)
(Woman) Honey, what are you doing out there?
(Man) I'm just trying to keep these toys from killing
the lawn. I'll be up in a minute.
(Woman) Is something burning? I smell smoke.
Morning.
(Angela) Morning.
I can make you some eggs if you want.
Right. Now, are they the kind with blood spots in them?
They're eggs from chickens who walk around.
So they do have blood spots in them.
Okay, everybody, are you sitting down?
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit.
I had a- Sit! I had an incredible night.
And I swear to God it was a visitation and Dallas,
I can't thank you enough.
Are you okay?
I am beyond okay. I'm passed okay.
I'm not even looking back at it anymore.
Steve was right. This is my chance.
Of course I can't do it alone, but I was thinking about taking
the money from the grocery store and creating an institute where
people can come and study how to regain man's balance with
nature. Horticulture, agriculture, aquaculture.
Angela, you know all about this shit, and you can give lessons
on cleaning and all that women's stuff. And Steve,
if we're gonna have a society, we're gonna need a TV station.
You can have the whole station.
That sounds great.
You look like you haven't slept much. Why don't you sit down
and we'll have some breakfast and talk about the plan.
You understand I'm talking about fundamental changes
to society. - Mm-hmm.
I'm not hungry. I've got a mission statement to write.
Is it always like that?
He usually doesn't make that much sense.
I'll be right back.
Hey, genius at work.
I'm modeling it on Plato's school of Athens, only
not the Socratic method, it's more like Buddha.
You can relax, I can see what's going on in your face right now.
It's one-tenth of what's going on in my mind.
You told me that my father had a plan for me,
to do what I wanted. And this is what I want.
And I'm not leaving you behind.
The TV station thing was just off the top of my head.
I want you to know that I'm grateful.
And the way that I figure it, there's enough for me to keep
the grocery store, and for you to have the farm and the house.
And it's not a gift.
You've earned it.
Suddenly the plan seems more appealing,
but I don't think you're- You seem a little...
The journey to enlightenment is stressful.
No, it's not "enlightened. "
Great, Mom's home.
Why are you still here?
Why are you so angry?
This was my mother's.
I need you to mellow out.
I need to keep my wits about me. I wanna get this all down.
Please, you're out of control. Let's take the edge off.
(Lighter flicks)
Great.
This is my wedding all over again.
What are you doing? This is important shit!
This is a chance to right your life!
Drugs are not the answer!
That's what I've been saying!
Thank God you're here, because I can't do it all alone.
Jesus, get out and go away. I need to talk to my brother.
He doesn't wanna talk.
Yes, I do, I have a plan. I'm gonna start...
Ben, you don't have to tell her your plan.
Steve, I would prefer to forego your input, since it most
recently resulted in my brother becoming fat, unemployed,
and growing that superbly antisocial beard.
Do not talk to him like that.
No, no, it's okay. You know what, Terry?
I am gonna get out of your way, so you can direct that rage
where it really belongs, at your grieving family.
He doesn't understand what's going on.
The decisions that you make now could secure a real future.
You don't think I know that?
I'm sorry! I- I guess I just got blindsided yesterday.
It blew me away too! I didn't want the headache, but then
I thought, "All of this is part of something amazing.
Life stuff, renewal, rebuilding. "
Yes, exactly.
I mean, this chrysalis has served us as we developed from
pupa to adult. And now, it has to be shed and eaten.
What are we talking about?
I really want to utilize this capital to right some major
wrongs, educate some mysteries, set some ideas free.
Well, why don't I find a way to manage my finances
so I can support you in eight months, after you've pissed
away what it took Dad a lifetime to make.
I hear where you're coming from, but it's just money.
It doesn't mean Dad loved me more than you.
What?
It doesn't mean Dad loved me more than you.
He didn't... love you more.
You were the squeaky wheel, so you got all the oil.
And if I were you,
I wouldn't rush off to go change the world quite yet.
Hello!
Anybody?
I'm gonna go now.
Ben!
(Ben) Yeah, I'm up here.
(Dallas) Look at you.
Master of all you survey.
(Ben) Yeah.
You know, I wouldn't go if I didn't have this job thing.
I'll be back out next weekend, I promise.
Plus, you can always call.
(Ben) Oh, I'll call.
I'll call as soon as I get that big fat check for you.
Hey, you know, I didn't think you were really gonna do that.
Hey, buddy, I love you.
Take a shower, okay?
Wait, so you're just gonna leave?
Yeah, I gotta get going.
It was really great to see you, and thanks for the pie.
That was for dinner.
I'll be eating dinner.
No, for everyone.
You're not as giving as I thought you were.
I don't want the pie back. I just-
Well, I guess you know Ben better than I do.
Is he gonna be okay here by himself?
By himself? What, now you're gonna leave?
I mean, with that poor kid up there?
So he's not okay?
He's right as rain.
I mean, his father just died, he's got a drug problem,
probably some kind of manic-depressive disorder, and,
honestly, he wasn't that well screwed together to begin with,
but he's an adult, and I have to go back to do the four-thirty
weather. And although you're under no obligation,
would it be so bad to take another two or three weeks
before you do whatever bullshit you have to do?
You mean teaching disabled kids?
Oh, now they're disabled. Do you have any actual plans?
I guess I could take my time moving out.
Great.
You get a week, and I'm not adopting him.
Perfect. I'm gonna leave you my number, in case you
have to get in touch. Did you know I'm on TV?
(Angela laughs)
Yeah, actually, Sam bragged about you once.
I think he liked you, but he couldn't really express it.
Yeah, it always came out as "moron troublemaker. "
He hated the Irish too. People forget that.
(Starts engine)
Okay, now, will you let me know if I run over a chicken?
'Cause the pie's all I can eat right now.
How long does he stay up there?
Let me know.
(Angela) Hey.
(Marta) Hey. How are you holding up?
(sighs)I don't know. It's all temporary, right?
(Marta) Angela, you knew, when you decided to get involved with
a man so much older, it wasn't for life.
You are so sentimental.
Okay, alls I'm saying is that you had that experience.
Now, don't be afraid to be with a man your age.
You got a whole time ahead.
Ben asked me to put these up.
I have some. They upset people.
(Balthazar) Hey, Ma, Samuel Stoltzfoos is outside.
You have to negotiate the lettuce with him.
(Terry on phone)No, listen, I gotta go. I might need my hands.
Okay.
(Angela) Hello, Terry.
(Terry) Good morning, sunshine.
(Angela) It's hard, huh, without him?
(Terry) Yeah, I try to keep busy.
Uh, about Ben...
Oh God, don't stick your nose in that too.
I'm living with him, Terry.
Nobody asked you to. In fact, I'm surprised that you didn't
blow out of town on the next guy who came through.
(scoffs) Jesus, that tongue!
I think you just spoiled all the vegetables in here.
You know, you came into my family very recently and you
started telling everybody what to do, which was nothing.
Do nothing. - That is not true!
You convinced my father to let a thriving business go to seed.
"These are the good years! Life is for living!"
I mean, Christ!
A man his age throwing himself into yoga and guitar lessons...
You don't believe in growing!
You don't grow! You're a tumbleweed
who blows around whenever the wind changes.
Shit, I swore I wouldn't engage.
I gotta go.
You know, people hide in charity.
Once in awhile, assume other people are as good as you,
not worse.
They're not.
(Victoria) How was the vacation?
It wasn't a vacation.
Oh. Did you get your eyes done?
(Dave) Delia got some fan mail, you know.
(Dallas) Is that right?
(Kyle) A hundred bucks says Delia's fan mail came from a
member of the cafeteria staff!
(Dave) Corporate thinks each piece of mail represents
a thousand viewers.
What, did she do a really good job?
Hey, what was with you wrestling that bum the other day?
Nicely done.
So did you know him or something?
You know how it is. You buy someone a cup of coffee
and suddenly they're your best friend.
Do I need my eyes done?
(Floor manager) Thirty seconds.
It would be illegal to make them any bluer.
See, that's what I think.
Spinach check.
(Victoria) You have no whitening trays?
Now I really can't stay.
God, it must be tough having to win the viewers
over one at a time like this.
You know, while you were off getting your eyes done
over the weekend, Paul flew me to Martha's Vineyard to show
me this house, and it wasn't one of those stupid Cape Cod
houses the tourists love. This was a year-round home
where you could really be a part of the island.
Paul understands the limitations of our job, and, let's face it,
it's a short window and it's not really based on skill.
Yeah, I know that. Lucky for me, my finances
have kind of been taking care of themselves.
Sandwich guy told me you nailed the baseball pool.
No, really. I'm coming into a little piece of property
up in Lancaster myself. I'll probably unload it.
Brian Williams has a place up there.
I don't think so.
Thanks for the ride.
(Ben) Which is why I'm sick and tired of the bullshit.
(Angela) Excuse me, sorry. I was just passing through.
Sit, please. Join us.
Everybody, this is Angela, my stepmother.
(Justin) Didn't we meet at the plastic bag rally?
Oh, your skin is so white.
I think we should listen now.
If we create a non-profit society,
we can reap the tax benefits of said society.
It is gonna be a beginning and an ending of life as we know it,
and that is why I'm calling it "The Omega Society. "
I hate to stick my nose into this, but...
No, everyone's voice has equal merit.
"The Omega Society" sounds like "The Omega Institute. "
It's a holistic organization.
Environmentalism, spiritual rebirth.
(Ben) It's total synchronicity is what it is. Not only
is it the perfect name for our society, but it already exists.
I think there's an Omega Society too, so I don't
think legally we...
Justin, it's not about what is legal!
I grew up out here.
There are Amish people on three sides of this farm.
They don't vote. They- they don't join the army.
They don't send the, their children to our schools.
When you live off the land and you're honest,
things fall into place!
You are a beacon to that Babylon out there.
(Molly) My cousin lives in Oregon.
Ben's right.
So I've never seen you at the Marriott before.
(Bonnie) Oh, I really shouldn't.
You just gonna go home and stare at an empty dog bed? Chester
doesn't get home from the hospital 'til tomorrow, right?
His name is Clarence. He got out of the hospital today,
and my mom is watching him.
But you sure are a good listener.
So are you, and a very beautiful one, actually.
I think Clarence needs me.
Seriously, I'm really fast.
(Cell phone vibrates)
Did you give my number to someone?
I don't even have your...
Shh, one second. Hello?
I- I really didn't mean to bother you.
Ben's fine, but we just got this registered letter.
Terry's challenging the will.
Why? I mean, I know why. But under what grounds?
Well, it's Ben's competency.
There's gonna be a hearing, and he has to see a psychiatrist.
Can you believe this?
This morning the bank account was shut down.
It's a classic obstacle to a pioneer.
It's like Galileo or Che or Jesus.
Every great move has a countermove.
But let me tell you, my sister's greed is not gonna stop the
evolution of mind and body that's going on out here!
No, no, no, look, you need to calm down.
Just get a lawyer.
A law- You think I'm crazy now?
Go see the shrink.
It's like giving them the money if you don't go.
I could be my own lawyer, you know?
There you go.
I could prepare a brief, one of those
six hundred-page obstructionist babies.
(laughing)They don't know who they're fucking with.
Hey, you still there?
Yes. Any other fires to put out?
(sigh)It is just getting more and more intense,
and there are a lot of other people involved now.
Like you and me?
No, I mean there are these hippie kids now
and the store and now this court thing.
He just seems very agitated.
I mean, I've been trying to deal with it, but...
(sighs)I'm just glad I could call you.
You can always call me.
BONNIE I'm leaving.
(whispering) Maybe you should.
Oh, my god, is there someone there?
(on phone) No, I'm alone.
(Door slams) Now.
I'm sorry.
It's fine. You're just doing your job.
My job actually.
Well, I don't really know him.
He's Ben. He's a blast most of the time.
But you didn't know his mother.
He inherited some things that weren't in the will.
Yeah, Sam mentioned that.
Probably nothing like the free love,
Whole Foods thing you grew up in.
My father was an actuary for the Hartford Insurance Company.
He died at his desk. I was still at Andover.
Huh.
Like, say, about Sam's age?
What?
So you must be loaded.
(laughs)
Is he gonna be okay or not?
This is the way it usually goes.
The best thing to do is keep feeding him.
Food is nature's Vicodin.
That's good too, by the way, if you have it.
You should finally be getting some rain up that way, you know?
Hmm. I'm not too sure about that.
Well, good night.
Yeah, good night to you too.
* *
Whoo!
(Terry) Ben?
Ben? Is he ready?
Ben, Terry's here!
I can't believe you're doing this.
Yeah, well, I can't believe you're still here.
Ben?
Benji, we're going to the doctor, okay?
There isn't anything to be-
Ben?
Great.
(Birds chirping)
(Car pulls up)
Why aren't you inside?
Greetings.
(Ben) Sorry to keep bothering you like that.
I don't think getting a glass of water is the biggest
inconvenience for these people right now.
I was just explaining my admiration for these people.
They live off the land in kindness.
They don't believe in war or pollution.
I'll tell you, one day, when there's no earth left
'cause we used it up, there'll be ten square miles
of Lancaster County where God still exists.
Why are you naked?
I didn't want that chemical smell on me anymore.
That smell is not chemicals. It's B.O.
because you have stopped showering, and you ruined
everything I bought you at The Gap, which you loved.
I don't anymore.
We are going.
This entire incident is inappropriate and probably
illegal, and if I were Mr. Yoder, I would make you pay
for the fact that I missed two hours of farm work so I could
ride into town on a buggy to get a cop out here.
You're wrong! We're having a conversation!
I don't want to speak out of turn here,
but Felty and Sarah are not being hospitable. They're
pacifists, and this is how they respond to being held hostage.
Gosh, I'm- I- I never meant to- I didn't-
Ben, I think you can keep the apron.
Let's go.
Yes, the best way to get the soda out of the bottle
is to shake it and shake it and shake it.
Need a ride?
Yes.
(Norbey) Next time, go over to the highway and get Anderson
to ring the fire bell for you.
(Felty) I will. I apologize.
I might have been in a bit of a panic.
(Terry) I am terribly sorry, Mr. Yoder.
(Felty) I'm sorry to hear about your father.
(Terry) Thank you very much. We all miss him, obviously.
(Felty) He was lucky to have a long life.
Such a caring daughter. All he cared about was his family.
Surely, there's no other reason for being on this earth.
What would you do if you couldn't have children?
I would pray to God to send them to me.
What if you don't believe in God?
Maybe that's why you can't have children.
(Sucking)
Honestly, Ben, you really fucked me here.
My independence of mind is obviously a threat to them.
Them?
Society. With all their poison. I'm not putting it in my body.
And I respect that deep-fried temple that you've
built, but you have to stop running naked.
I know. I panicked.
Even the most committed messenger has a moment of doubt.
Keep that word "committed" in mind.
Next time.
Oh, you mean in the courtroom? Because that's where we're
heading, and they might not stop with the money. They can
force you to take the medicine, and they can lock you up.
(Knock on door)
We're studying in here.
Anyone hungry?
Not really.
I gotta go.
Ben, you okay?
I don't know. I'm feeling a little stressed out.
I'm stressed out. You're crazy.
Let's use the word freely as if it gives us power.
Good night.
(Dr. Vincent) I see you've been arrested a few times.
Public outbursts, indecency, a misdemeanor related to your
profession, which you listed here as "Small Farmer. "
I also see that you've never considered medication.
Antidepressants? They have been suggested,
as they have been to most of America.
Well, I was thinking more like a mood stabilizer,
which for most is a very effective therapeutic solution.
No need to resist the magic of lithium, I know.
We should sprinkle its salty goodness over the fries at
McDonald's until we'reDawn of the Deaddrooling towards
Banana Republic, pushing our carts, dazed,
through the market, throwing the meat in,
black blood pooling under so much plastic.
That's an interesting image.
Which I wouldn't have if I was zonked on that shit.
I wouldn't feel this hum I've got going.
Clear, sharp, and purposeful, like every ion in my body
is vibrating with genius.
Marijuana is a chemical.
It's green and from the earth.
But it's a drug, a way of dealing with your symptoms.
Like the drug you get when you go into a restaurant
or come home after work or offer
a stranger the moment they come in your house.
Our whole social system is built around some drug.
Most cultures made beer before they had an alphabet.
I'm going to ask you some questions, and you
can just tell me yes or no, okay?
Do you experience sensations of things that are not there?
Do you hear voices?
Are you afraid right now?
There are times that are wonderful,(sigh)
and there are times that are horrible,
and the wonderful thing is, right now, I feel alive.
But the terrible thing is that you're not asking me how
I feel about my father dying.
Oh, well, I was going...
I feel alone in the universe...
except for Steve.
So why do you think you're here?
Because I won the lottery.
Everybody's got their hand out.
(TV sounds)Now action. Back to Barry with his suited ace.
Eighty thousand to call to see a flop here.
And he will have to...
Yes, yes, you'll clean up later.
No.
Motherfucking god damn, damn it!
(sighs)
Look at it, it's huge.
Leaves and acorns everywhere. You gotta get rid of it.
(Armin) The building is called "The Oaks. "
It's the only one left.
It's just a tree. It blocks all the natural light.
Plus, it decreases the value of my unit.
I can circulate a petition if you want,
but you know everybody feels the same,
and you gotta be sick of cleaning up all this crap.
I'll see what I can do.
Great. That's all I can ask.
Oh, and, Steve, thanks for the Oriole tickets.
Freebies, Armin. Don't be impressed.
(Ben) I happen to be in charge here.
Stop asking me where the debate is, 'cause I'm not going.
Ben?
(Ben) We all agreed on a starting place, and that's where
it's gonna be, and it's not about who's got the most, it-
(Knock on door)
Ben, who's in there with you?
Hey.
Were you on the phone?
No.
(Dr. Vincent) My diagnosis, as I wrote, is classic
bipolar disorder, euphoric with schizoid tendencies.
(whispering) See, I told you.
(Karl) So in your assessment, Dr. Vincent, you see Mr. Baker
as being incapable of understanding any consequences
for his actions?
Yes.
That is all we have to say, Your Honor.
(Judge Plath) Uh, Mr. Baker, have you been having
difficulty distinguishing between real and unreal?
My whole life.
Hmm.
This is a very serious diagnosis. Would you
describe him as a danger to himself or to other people?
Actually, I would say no, not at this moment.
It is, of course, completely possible.
Well, I'm prepared to rule on this.
Mr. Baker, Ms. Coulter, I have to agree with Dr. Vincent's
finding that Mr. Baker is- I'm sorry to talk about you as
though you weren't here, but this, uh, eleven-page
handwritten brief didn't help, son.
He is seriously mentally troubled.
And he's likely to behave with this money in an extremely
irresponsible manner. But hopefully, he won't, because
as long as he's not a threat to himself or other people,
he can go out and buy the world's largest hat if he wants.
(Bangs gavel)
Your Honor, you don't understand.
(Judge) Look, your father could have left his money to his dog.
The- the law is crystal clear. If the government gets their
piece, the mandates of the deceased are to be observed.
Ben, I'm just looking out for you, I swear.
No, I'm looking out for you!
Every time I think you're crazy, along comes the justice system.
(chuckles)
Whoo!
Is this great or what?
Yeah, Glenlivet scotch in a shit hole like this?
I'm buying everything. Bartender, drinks on the house.
(Pool player 1 ) My man!
(Pool player 2) Yeah!
(Cheering)
(Bartender) I am not buying everybody a drink.
No, I think he means drinks are on him.
What did I say?
(Zed) Hey, hey. My mom-
my mom just gave me the message. Congratulations.
Oh, thanks. It means so much.
I don't know if you ever met my friend, Steve Dallas.
Steve, this is Zed Starkovitch. He's kind of
the Chief Administrator of the whole Omega Society.
I guess we should be saying congratulations to you.
Can we get another beer?
To transforming society from within.
To being a tapeworm gnawing on its intestines, sucking and
feeding on the bile and waste, growing stronger every minute.
Okay, I'm gonna let you two celebrate.
Zed, can your mom take you and Ben home?
My mom's blind.
I'm bottling this moment.
(Car stereo)
(Angela) You done celebrating?
(Dallas) You gotta come out here. You've gotta see this.
Where's Ben?
Still hanging out. Look at all these stars.
Have you seen this?
Yeah.
Yeah, I have. Pretty great.
Can you dance?
You can't handle it.
(Turns radio off)
Come over here.
What is this?
What are you talking about, "this"?
Don't mess with me. This.
This place and you, and you. Your face.
(laughs)
I don't know what to say.
Because you like me.
What?
Kiss me again or slap me or something,
but you've gotta stop looking at me all beautiful like that,
or you're gonna get more of this.
So you'd like more?
I don't know.
I don't know who you are.
Ugh. I know it's horrible, but this is really it.
This is who I am. There's some good in it, I promise.
I have hobbies and stuff. I always pick up the check.
You're stoned. You're always stoned.
Actually, I'm drunk right now, but again,
that's part of who I am. My personal ad:
"Loves to have a good time. " That's what I mean.
I eat life out of the big box. I'm not hiding out here
in the sticks or wherever it is you're going to next.
Doesn't it seem strange that someone who eats life like
you do, who has it all, is trying to escape it?
I like you.
I bet you haven't had an interaction with anyone in the
last ten years that wasn't warped somehow.
My guess is you've got some kind of free fall going
on in there, but you hide it all under this veil of
charm that people prefer to real interaction.
I don't.
You think I'm charming?
Just to be clear, if I'm sober, you're interested?
Good night.
* *
People treat the environment like it's a big toilet.
They can dump everything they don't want, flush it down,
and they're never gonna see it again.
(Pool player) Who the hell do you think you are?
Excuse me?
People get a little bit of money, all of a sudden,
they think everything they say is true.
You're still a big fat nothing.
What?
You're just a crazy jack-off making bullshit plans that'll
never amount to anything, because that's what you are.
Nothing.
(Punch)Ah!
Who are you? Who do you think you are?
(Pool player) Oh, god! Jesus Christ!
(Bartender) Hey, what the fuck's wrong with you?
(Ben) Did you hear what he said to me?
I just ordered a beer.
(Zed) Ben, I heard him, man. That's all he said.
You're fucking crazy, man!
(Siren)
So you talk to the doctor, and I'll talk to Slocum.
He's okay?
Yeah. Couple of stitches.
Tell him I'm really sorry.
(Door opens)
(Dr. Vincent) Solomon, why don't you have a seat while
your dad and I have a word?
Ben, I'll be with you in a minute.
I'm gonna get us some coffee. I'll run you home after.
Hey.
(Solomon) Hi.
You ever read this shit?
I mean, every issue is exactly the same.
(Solomon) I guess.
I mean, look at this, why do you need a toothbrush
on a desert island?
Why are you here?
Because I talk to God.
Oh, really?
Why are you here?
Me? I don't know.
They want me to take some medication,
be like everybody else.
Solomon, we'll see you again on Thursday, okay?
Ben, shall we?
(whispering)God wants you to take your medicine.
* *
(Door opens)
Seatbelt.
(Angela) He's still asleep.
It's incredible that a woman with such a great hangover
cure can be against drinking.
I'm not against drinking. Do you remember Sam at all?
Have you talked to Terry?
ANGELA She doesn't know what to do.
She's just gonna wait 'til it doesn't look so bad,
which means it's over.
I think even Ben knows that.
Well, I guess you could come back to the city with me,
and I know what you're gonna say about cities,
but it's Annapolis, not really even a city.
Why would I go with you?
What about dinner? Can I stay? Can we think that far ahead?
What about your job?
I can't face doing the weather in this completely
unadulterated, unpolluted state.
Plus, every time I leave here, something terrible happens.
He's a grown man. I mean, it's admirable, but I
don't think the issues of his life are your problem.
My problem?
You just spent the last five years taking care of Methuselah.
We were married.
See, nobody believes in friendship. People talk
about it, you see it on TV, people drop by, go to the doctor
together, no one eats alone, but most people are alone.
That's the thing about friendship, it's a lot rarer
than love, because there's nothing in it for anybody.
They're just two forms of the same thing.
Don't you want me to stay for dinner?
I'll let you cook. Just go easy on the sherry.
Remember our agreement.
We don't have an agreement.
Do you like chicken?
Like? Try love.(laughs)
Go get one.
You want me to kill someone at the store for it?
Are you kidding?
Go on, take it.
You want to be here? Be here.
* *
(Chickens clucking)
Just like picking out a lobster.
(Bonk)
God damn it.
(Clucks)
Ah, it's okay.
Okay.
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
It's... it's all right.
It's gonna be okay.
Who am I kidding?
(Twack!)
(Chicken keeps sqealing) Oh, shit, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
Oh, fuck.
Shit!
Agh.
Jesus.
(Wings keep fluttering)
Dinner!
Is that him?
Her.
Smells pretty good.
Hey, everybody.
I feel like we should say grace or something.
Steve?
Fine, fine! I killed the chicken!
Am I supposed to feel bad about that?
I mean, people do it every day.
No, they really don't.
Well, then, how am I supposed to feel?
I don't know. Grateful, maybe.
Oh.
Right.
Um...
Thank you, God, and this chicken, of course,
who made the ultimate sacrifice, uh...
in harm's way.
Amen.
Great, let's eat.
Would you?
I thought I was gonna have a problem with this,
but damn, that's a juicy bird.
It does smell really good.
You want some?
Yeah, I think I do.
(Dallas) Ben?
(Knocks)
Okay, so you got my phone number.
Oh.
Here, take it. It's my last one.
I'm gonna lay off for a while.
What am I gonna do with one joint?
Yeah, better try and get by, but when I come back,
I'm bringing you the biggest bag of dope you've ever seen.
I don't think so.
Okay, maybe you've seen a bigger one, but I'm bringing a lot.
Do what you want. I don't know where I'll be.
That's kind of ominous, and because of its non-sequitur
nature, I'm gonna take that as a "yes" on the weed.
Why don't you take all of this as clarity?
You don't have to come back, okay?
Suddenly, you're gonna get your own weed?
Look, I'm done. That's it, it's over.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about... We took the ski lift to
the top of the mountain. We got off.
You're going one way and I'm going the other.
There's only one way to go, down. You can't get
on the lift without me. In fact, you can't even ski.
I can ski.
When have you been skiing? You told that girl you could
ski and I backed you up on it, but you'd never been skiing.
Then you told her you'd never been skiing and
you sold me out, remember?
Forget about skiing! You're talking stupid shit!
I need you to take this seriously for once.
Take something seriously!
Oh, I get it. You're strong. All has been revealed.
I'm just saying this is my problem
and you're exacerbating it!
You are truly batshit.
I'm sure it's scary to take fixing me off your list of
things to do, because all that's left is fixing you.
Oh, wow. Thank you for that.
Yeah, 'cause I'm the selfish one here.
There's no chance you're the asshole.
Look, you don't know me and you don't owe me, okay?
Well, if you feel the need to punch me in the balls,
knock yourself out. I'll try and clear my schedule
for the next time the clarity wears off.
Hey.
Are you going?
Yeah, I gotta get back.
Oh.
I got the job, you know.
No, of course.
You don't want to walk me to the car?
Well, if you're leaving, you're leaving.
I mean, I can call you or something.
Well, do you not want me to go?
Well, it's not gonna be easy here, and not because
I'm pining for you. I mean, you know I'm not gonna leave.
You're counting on it, so really, you're just using me.
And throw in the fact that maybe I do have feelings.
Oh, god, so do I.
No.
Half a day of sobriety isn't gonna open that door.
Well, you can still walk me outside, you know.
No funny business, I promise.
You should go. I'll stay here until I feel okay
about going so you can feel okay about going.
* *
(Dallas) Now about this tropical depression brewing off
the Florida Keys, it's too early to tell if this Gulf air will
hold and create hurricane conditions.
So Victoria, we will keep an eye on that.
Thank you, Steve. We certainly will.
State officials announced today...
(Dave) Dallas? Steve Dallas?
Yes, Mein Fuhrer.
You know, for a second out there, I thought you were sober,
then I realized you're probably on some drug
I've never even heard of.
Look at this shit.
Why don't they just get us tubes, like astronauts?
I don't know. The sandwiches are pretty good.
Chicken bologna? Do you have any idea where that even comes from?
Yeah, a chicken.
It's a lot harder than that.
(Ben) I didn't know you painted.
I don't really, but somehow, tracing these lines
is really gonna help me remember this place. 'Cause,
let's face it, next time I come back, it probably won't be here.
Thanks for cheering me up.
Try it.
I really screwed up.
It wasn't in your control.
Gauguin packed up as far from this crap hole as possible, and
the world wasn't even one-tenth as polluted as it is now.
You feel like packing up?
No, I don't even feel that. I just feel like...
it's a pretty nice day, and I hate myself for being the guy
that only has that to say.
* *
(George) Need another club soda, Mr. Dallas?
Does anyone ever need another club soda?
What's going on here?
(George) A real estate seminar.
Lot of ladies trying to change their lives.
* *
Is it good?
It's filled with bizarre details and super-weird bullshit.
You've never read anything you've liked that was like that?
It's not me. Actually, it was me.
That's what makes it so depressing.
Now it's just this. Unfinished, unfocused, unrelenting.
I'm a guy in the desert who's run towards a mirage.
I'm still really thirsty and my mouth is full of sand.
Write that down.
I don't think it's mine.
It's gonna take time.
I just wish it was some crippling depression,
instead of this disappointment. How do you all live here
without looking for a high place to jump from?
I can't sell you on life.
'Cause there's nothing to it!(sobs)
Nothing at all.(sobs)
Life doesn't stand up to thinking.
Smell the air out there. There are wonders.
(sobbing)
(sighs)
All I feel is time passing.
It's overwhelming.
I wasted so much.
I gobbled it all down without even tasting it.
So start over.
Just like that?
(Chuckles)
(Deep sigh)
I'm sorry, I'm gonna give it ten more minutes, if that's okay.
That's decaf, right?
Sorry I'm late.
Oh, my god, you shaved.
What can I say? You know how erratic I am.
What did you want to talk to me about, Ben?
Actually, I wanted to thank you.
Look, I didn't wait forty minutes for you to show up
so we could have a fight.
Terry, I mean it.
I can't help but think that even through all this, that what Dad
wanted was for us to deal with all this together.
I'm sorry, but I know you're only one sentence away
from telling me that you want to turn the store into an
eighteen-fifties laundromat that runs on whale oil or something.
Except God forbid anybody hurt a whale.
(laughs) No.
I have become... (chuckles)
acutely aware of my limitations, and I guess what
I'm saying is, is that whatever you have in mind, I'm okay with.
Excuse me? Are you wearing a wire?
I'm serious.
Well, I've been tossing around the idea of converting
the store into something more modern.
- And profitable? - Is that a sin?
No, that's good, that's what I wanted to hear,
because I have some plans for the farm.
What, give it to Angela? (chuckles)Perfect.
You don't even know her.
Yeah, I know that she has some freaky power over all the men
in my family, and that probably comes from under her sundress.
Terry, I'm asking you, please,
don't talk about her like that.
Okay.
It's a million dollars of undeveloped land.
And that's why I want to have a say about what happens to it.
And you get lunch.
Look, whatever it takes.
I just don't want it to be like this anymore.
You look just like Dad.
Okay, we feed in fifteen seconds. Come on, people!
I don't have a fucking image.
All right, this is a newsroom.
Can I get some people walking back and forth, please?
And let's clean up this- Oh, forget it.
Three, two...
As promised, we're continuing to track this
storm, now from the National Weather Service, known
officially as "Hurricane Gordon," about to make landfall
just south of Charleston here. Expect eighty-five-mile
per hour winds and flooding, two to three inches per hour.
Now, you folks in the area, whether the government makes
you or not, just get yourselves out of there.
Your lives are a hell of a lot more important than your houses.
This is Steve Dallas in the Channel Eighteen Storm Center.
Stay dry and stay safe.
And we're out.
Nicely done! Yes!
I love that bit about the people down in Charleston.
Our local old ladies are gonna cream!
And from what Delia tells me, this is a hell of a storm.
Those people needed to be warned.
Yeah, well, those people lost power six hours ago.
They're not watching TV.
Jesus. Really?
So why the hell are we doing this?
Local people are interested. They might run us national,
unless those douchebags in Baltimore snake us again.
(Ben) I don't want to bother you.
Oh. I'm just going through some of your dad's stuff.
I probably should've buried him in his madras shorts.
Would have felt more like a vacation.
I talked to, uh, Terry like you suggested.
It wasn't bad, right?
It was great. And, um...
the other night too.
That really happened, didn't it?
Yes.
Yes, it did.
I can't tell you how much that meant.
Well, someone had to welcome you back to the world.
How did you end up with my dad?
Uh...
I guess it was all this.
It's hard to resist the temptation
to step into a normal life.
I know you told my dad you didn't want anything.
Yeah, I said that, and I really meant it, but you think
he would have just given me just, like, one little thing.
Anything, just for sentimental reasons, a gesture.
Well, you deserve whatever you want.
I could try to find a way to...
No, no, no, no.(chuckles) Not from you.
I mean, it's sweet, thank you, but...
it's not the same.
I thought, since you know, you didn't know what you're
gonna do, that you could talk to Steve about the farm and the
house. I'm sure he doesn't know what he's gonna do either.
What do you mean?
I'm giving this all to Dallas.
What?
I promised it to him a-after the will.
Huh.
(chuckles) I didn't know that.
It's an odd marriage, but I kind of owed it to him.
Why? Did you want it?
No. Mm-mmm.
Are you okay?
Sure.
You?
Yeah. Terry's gonna help me find a smaller place.
I'll never forget how you held this family together.
(Answering machine beep)
(Ben) It's me. I hope I'm using this right.
It keeps asking me to press star, which I don't think we
have on this phone. Oh, there it is. Uh, listen, man...(beep)
Listen, man, I know we haven't talked. I'm just
gonna say it because it keeps cutting me off. I miss you.
I've been thinking about things, and I want to make good on
things, and I know Angela miss...(beep)
Okay, now, I gotta talk fast 'cause if I stop talking,
the thing will cut me off. All I wanted to say was
come down if you're ever free, and I'm good. Bye.
(beeping)
Hello...(beep)
(Dave) Morning, slugger.
Four reports in six hours, a station manager's wet dream.
You got two hours to get cleaned up for your twelve-thirty.
That's it, I'm done.
What?
I think it's time you find a new entertainment reporter,
someone who's comfortable with what a waste of
time this is, someone who isn't aware of the fact that any
six-year-old can stick their arm out the window and tell you what
it's gonna be like today.
Dave, I would like to introduce you to Delia,
an actual meteorologist.
And yes, she doesn't look like Miss America, she looks like
someone who went to MIT, because she did.
Can't you ever just make it easy?
Do you have to suck the good out of everything?
Good luck, sweetheart.
(kiss)
(scoffs)
He kissed me.
* *
"Amish Farms Super Store"?
Yes, but without the question mark.
If you believed in anything, you would realize this
is why people go to hell.
TERRY Have you talked to Ben?
Ben agreed to this? Underground parking?
Honestly, we spoke in rational means as a family,
and this was the decision that we made, and luckily for
the both of us, you're not part of the family.
No, no, congratulations, you won, and I don't mean the
battle over the will, I mean for biggest twat of the year.
Boy, you really don't know how to talk to a woman
you're not trying to screw.
Ben and I reconciled, and your opposition to that makes me feel
like you just don't want to be alone in whatever weed-powered
dance you two have shared for the last twenty-five years.
I want him to get better.
Then for once, leave him be! He's going to have a lifetime
of prosperity, and I'm sure he and Angela will be very happy.
What?
Maybe it's sick, but those two found each other.
And I know it sounds weird, but I actually believe that my
brother and my stepmother belong together.
What, they're together? Says who?
Oh. Steve, they are. Sorry, you're gonna have to find
someone else who's in worse shape than you now.
Go fuck yourself.
Go fuck yourself too!
Beard.
Yeah, you like it?
Is Angela here?
I don't know if you got my messages. That's why I wanted
you to come up, 'cause I wanted to tell you the great
news, that the farm is yours to do whatever you want with.
Fan-fucking-tastic. Angela around?
Now, don't be mad, but Terry's gonna get the store.
It's just the best way to go.
That is great, great news. Do you know where Angela is?
Are you okay? I think she's upstairs.
Upstairs? Where you were just screwing her?
What are you talking about?
Oh, I guess I don't know if you were just screwing her.
Well, that's a weird thing to say!
Really? Because it is sick!
If it isn't Amish country's own Mary Magdalene. Did you wash
his feet first or just pull him down off the cross and bone him?
Hold on, calm down. You're being very...
No, no, stay out of this, I'm warning you, Ben.
Stay out of this!
Why are you angry?
Because you fucked my friend!
Who told you that?
Everybody knows!
(Angela) That's none of your business!
I guess nothing's none of my business.
I never promised you anything.
You got the farm. Isn't that what you wanted?
(Ben) Stop it! I'm gonna have the two people
I care about most in the world fight like this!
You've got it all wrong, now cool it!
Fine. Fine.
What happened?
Oh, god. This is so bad. You assholes!
Both of you, such assholes. You don't care about anything.
Jesus, you know what she means to me!
It's not what you think.
I- I didn't know. But it doesn't change anything, I swear.
The hell it doesn't! I thought I meant something to you.
Because I thought you were helping a sick friend,
not making a real estate deal!
What? I was! But aren't I entitled to something?
Yes.
You don't know where I have been, the shit
I have done to deserve you.
(sighs)
(Ben) I talked to Terry, and it's yours to do
whatever you want with it.
I don't know what to say except I hope you take a look
at yourself and realize how much is there.
Steve, you gotta get your shit together.
(Angela) I hope one day you find out what you really care about.
I hope one day you learn to solve a problem without
sleeping with it.
What happened between me and Ben had nothing to do with
you or my feelings for you.
Oh, come on, you sell all this nature shit and honesty
and feelings, but you're just this empty little girl with no
responsibilities who gets anything and everybody she wants
because she's so goddamn pretty.
And believe me, I know what I'm talking about.
I do the weather on TV.
You got a week to get off my land.
* *
I got that.
(Alli) Thanks.
You're the new guy?
Pulled all the strings and got a south unit?
Sorry.
I'm Alli. That's Conner.
Ben.
Buenos dias.
You wanted to see me?
Wanted to see you?
I was calling you, but- what is that?
Last one in the case. You're out of luck.
Ah, hell.
I must've called you a hundred times, you never answered.
I just thought you wanted to fire Delia,
and obviously, I was right.
Interesting thing about Delia.
I ran it by corporate, and if she promises to get a boob job,
which she's on board with, she can do the weather.
Why'd you want to see me?
With Victoria getting married...
God, I never thought that was gonna happen.
With Victoria getting married, there's an
opening on the anchor desk.
Now, as much as I'd prefer someone who shows up, after the
last storm watch, and then you disappearing like that, we
received, like, seven thousand letters expressing their
concern for you and a wish to see you again.
You mean seven letters.
The point is, we have an opening if you want it.
The big seat.
Plus now, we've got this totally stacked chick next to you doing
the weather, eh, and you'll never want for money.
I'm just wondering what it would take to get fired around here.
Is this your coffee or mine? Because I have to drive home.
They're all my coffee.
Overpaid prick.
(Floor manager) Five seconds.
Good afternoon, Annapolis.
Federal investigators responding...
(Applause)
(Knock on door)
(Victoria) You missed my shower.
Sorry, I got hit by a pile of money.
Any lots available near you on Martha's Vineyard?
Don't you want me to be happy?
Not sure I want that for anybody.
I'm going to miss fucking you.
I used to think there was more, but there isn't.
(Beep) One new message.
(Beep)
(Beverly) Hi, this is Beverly, confirming your date for
tonight. Her name is Carla, and she's a petite redhead,
but it's the good redhead.
Think Nicole Kidman, not Howdy Doody.
And just so you know, she has a lot of regulars.
(Beep)
* *
(Knock on door)
Hey.
You get my letter?
Letter? I got a FedEx full of weed. Subtle.
You want some salmon?
I thought salmon was for assholes.
Everything else has so much mercury.
I drove two and a half hours, and I ended up
back in my own apartment.
Except I don't have the view.
Me either. They cut the tree down.
Good for you. How was she?
Wasn't worth a tree. You gonna open the wine?
You can have some. There's a glass in the...
Oh, Jesus, don't be so proud of yourself.
You know, like less than ten percent of the people who even
take the shit you're on ever stay on it?
I defer to your drug expertise.
Why'd you fall in love with her and ruin everything for me?
I didn't fall in love with her.
That's worse. You ruined everything.
No, you ruined everything!
First of all, I'm not in love with her, and I never was.
But you slept with her anyway?
Why would you do that?
Okay, let's say I understand that.
But you don't. She helped me. Let me feel something again.
So she makes me stop getting high, but you get sex?
What a shitty, shitty deal, and for what?
For this? What happened to you?
I'm still me.
Bullshit. You're Ben Lite!
I'm Ben Prime. I'm still the same guy from sixth grade.
No.
Ben, you're a million miles away from that kid.
I swear this isn't bad.
I'm just functioning now like everyone else.
So this is it?
Well, maybe that's what's wrong with the world.
We keep looking and grabbing and eating and smoking and never
stop to think, "Who could want more than this"?
(sobs)
(Ben) You're here. That's all that matters.
(sobs)
(Alli) Hey, there.
Hi.
I know, it's a lot ofjunk...
but I'm a really good mother.
(laughs)
Hey.
I'm sorry. I was gonna leave in the morning.
Well, I...
What?
You know anything about running a farm?
ANGELA More than you.
(Thunder)
(chuckles)
* *
Come inside.
No.
(Conner) Why are we here?
We're waiting for the rain to stop.
Can I ride it?
(Alli) Could you?
(Phone rings)
Hey.
Um, Mom said Wednesday.
I don't know why. She said Wednesday.
Um...
No, I mean, you can... Barbecue's fine.
* *